You don't need to remember everyone's (or anyone’s) dog

I write weekly about the strategies, habits, and tactics around cultivating the connections that matter to you.

I used to be that person who tried to remember everything about you.

Favorite coffee order? Check. College mascot? Got it. Middle child's soccer coach's name? You bet. I thought being the human equivalent of a CRM system mattered.

Instead, I became exhausted and gave up entirely.

Turns out, there's a smarter way to think about collecting information on the people in your network. And it starts with a simple truth: not everyone deserves the same level of attention. Nor is everything important.

Who actually matters (to you)

I've written before about the grocery store test - if you saw someone at the end of the cereal aisle, would you drop your cart and run over to give them a hug, or would you duck behind the Frosted Flakes and pray they didn't see you?

The same principle applies to information gathering. The person who makes you want to hide behind breakfast cereal doesn't need a detailed dossier in your database.

But for the people who light you up? The ones you genuinely care about and want to maintain relationships with? Those folks deserve better intel.

What actually matters (to you)

When it comes to your A-list relationships, your VIPs, here's the key: only track information you actually plan to use.

If you're someone who loves celebrating people:

• Their birthday and maybe their kids' birthdays

• Anniversary dates or big milestones

If you're someone who sends gifts or cards:

• Home address

• Kids' names and rough ages

• Pet names (people love when you remember their dog)

If you travel frequently for work:

• What city they're in

• Maybe even their office location

If you're genuinely curious about their work:

• What they're working on currently

• Recent big life changes (new job, move, major milestone)

If you share common interests:

• One or two genuine interests they actually talk about

Notice what's not on this list? Everything. Because not everything belongs on your list.

Know thyself first

The biggest mistake people make is collecting information they'll never act on. If you've never sent a birthday card in your life and don't plan to start, stop tracking birthdays. If you never travel and rarely make introductions based on geography, skip the location data.

This isn't about being a perfect networker. It's about being an authentic one.

The collection trap

Here's where most people go wrong: they try to become private investigators for every person they meet. You don't need to know that your accountant's daughter plays violin if you've never discussed music and aren't planning to buy violin-related gifts.

Focus on information that serves YOUR purpose:

• Helps you have better conversations (if that's your thing)

• Allows you to show thoughtfulness (in ways you actually show thoughtfulness)

• Gives you context for how they're doing (if you're someone who checks in on people)

If it doesn't match how you naturally operate, it's just digital clutter.

Keeping it simple

Remember, we're not trying to build a surveillance operation here. We're trying to be better friends, colleagues, and collaborators in our own authentic way.

For your B and C level relationships, basic contact info and maybe a note about how you know them is plenty. Save the detailed intelligence gathering for the people who actually matter to you, and only collect the details that matter to how you maintain relationships.

Your brain will thank you. Your relationships will improve. And you won't burn out trying to remember information you'll never use.

Your move

Take a look at your current contact management system (even if it's just your phone). Pick five people you genuinely want to stay in better touch with.

For each of them, ask yourself: "How do I naturally show people I care?" Then collect only the information that supports those natural behaviors.

Then stop. Don't keep digging for more details. Don't try to expand this to everyone you know.

The goal isn't to know everything about everyone. It's to know the right things about the right people, in the right way for you.

That's a much better use of your mental energy.

Until next week, Zvi

P.S. No golden retriever has ever been offended you forgot their birthday. Probably.

On YouTube: The Simple 3-Step System to Network Daily

Most people freeze when it’s time to build their network — not because they don’t care, but because they’re overwhelmed. In this video, I share a simple, 3-step daily system to overcome that paralysis and start building real relationships without the stress.

By the end of this video, you’ll know:

• Why traditional networking advice backfires

• The real reason your brain resists outreach

• A practical system that takes less time than brewing your morning coffee

If you’ve ever looked at your CRM or LinkedIn list and thought, “Where do I even start?” — this video is for you.

You can see all my videos and interviews on my channel! If you find these helpful, I’d appreciate a like, subscribe, and share with a friend, colleague, or enemy.

If you found this valuable, you might love Relatable. It’s the CRM built from the ground up to help you grow your network, not your business pipeline (but it does that too).