You don't need to be anyone but yourself

I write weekly about the strategies, habits, and tactics around cultivating the connections that matter to you.

I used to attend sales meetings at real estate brokerages. You know the type - 30 agents crammed into a conference room, and inevitably someone would stand up to share their latest "game-changing" tactic.

"I'm doing video testimonials now and they're crushing it."

Everyone frantically writes that down.

"I send handwritten notes to every person I meet."

More scribbling.

"I'm hosting client appreciation events every quarter."

The notebooks fill up with "I should..." statements.

Attend 30 of these meetings a year, and you'll walk away with an impossible list of tactics you think you need to implement. Meanwhile, you've forgotten what actually works for you.

This was ground zero for comparison thinking. Everyone blathering about their shiny new tool or tactic, everyone else nervously taking notes like that was the missing piece to their success.

Just because someone brags about dinners five nights a week doesn't mean that's the secret formula. Just because someone fires off six introductions the moment they meet you doesn't mean that's what effective networking looks like. And just because everyone seems to be doing the same thing doesn't mean you should too.

Years ago, I realized comparison thinking was a trap. The game of "everyone else is doing X, so I must be falling behind" will drain you faster than bad tacos.

What actually matters: finding your own path to building relationships.

Maybe you're better at thoughtful emails than small talk at events. Maybe you connect better one-on-one than in groups. Maybe you'd rather host intimate dinners twice a year than attend networking happy hours every month.

All of those approaches work. The question isn't whether your style matches someone else's playbook. The question is whether it matches who you actually are.

What this really means

Stop measuring yourself against someone else's networking style. The person crushing it with constant coffee meetings might be an extrovert who recharges through social interaction. You might be someone who needs quiet time to process and prefers depth over breadth.

Neither approach is wrong. They're just different.

The problem comes when you try to force yourself into someone else's mold. You burn out, relationships feel transactional, and authenticity goes out the window. People can sense when you're performing rather than connecting.

Your move

Take a minute and ask yourself these questions:

• What networking activities actually energize me versus drain me?

• When have I built my strongest professional relationships? What was I doing?

• What would my networking approach look like if I stopped worrying about what everyone else is doing?

Then start doing more of what works for you and less of what you think you should be doing.

The best relationships I've built came from showing up as myself, not from copying someone else's strategy. Your mileage will vary. And that's exactly the point.

Until next week, Zvi

P.S. Try this experiment: for one week, only do the types of outreach you enjoy. Watch what happens.

On YouTube: Why High Performers Keep These 3 Close (Do You?)

If you’ve been told to “grow your network,” this video will flip that idea on its head. I’m sharing the three types of allies who genuinely move your life and career forward — and why you probably already know them.

What we cover:

• Why bigger networks don’t equal better relationships (and what the research really says)

• The Champion: the person who advocates for you when you’re not in the room

• The Challenger: the person who pushes you with honesty instead of comfort

• The Connector: the person who opens doors you didn’t know existed

• Practical steps to identify and strengthen these relationships starting today

You can see all my videos and interviews on my channel! If you find these helpful, I’d appreciate a like, subscribe, and share with a friend, colleague, or enemy.

If you found this valuable, you might love Relatable. It’s the CRM built from the ground up to help you grow your network, not your business pipeline (but it does that too).