Why they don't teach you this in school (and what to do about it)

I write weekly about the strategies, habits, and tactics around cultivating the connections that matter to you.

I remember talking with a partner at a major law firm a few years back. Sharp guy. Decades of building relationships had made him a rainmaker. He was signing up for Relatable, our personal CRM, not on the firm’s dime - just for himself.

We got talking about something that bothered him. Something that, frankly, bothered me too.

"Why don't they teach this stuff in law school?" he asked. "Or business school. Or anywhere, really."

He had a theory. Actually, a full-blown conspiracy theory. The senior people at firms don't want relationship building taught. They need worker bees to do the work they bring in, not competitors going out and getting their own clients.

I laughed. But you know what? Even if that's not true, it raises a real question. If networking and relationship building are so important—and they are—why isn't this taught anywhere?

The real reasons nobody teaches this

Here's what the research actually says about why social and emotional skills get left out of school (there’s much more research about the earlier phase of education):

About 37% of schools don't have formal social-emotional learning programs, mainly due to lack of time, funding, and materials. Teachers and administrators agree these skills matter, but four out of five need more support to actually teach them.

Only 35% of schools have developed a plan for teaching social and emotional skills, even though 97% of principals believe it would improve student behavior and learning. There's a massive gap between knowing it matters and actually doing something about it.

The truth? Schools are designed to teach you facts and formulas. Not how to manage relationships over decades. Not how to stay in touch with people who matter. Not how to build trust or show genuine interest in others.

Some educators argue that focusing on soft skills takes time away from academic instruction. But that's backwards thinking. Research shows social-emotional learning improves academic achievement by an average of 11 percentile points.

The system wasn't built for this. So it doesn't teach it.

What this means for you

Here's the part that matters. Nobody is coming to save you. Your MBA program won't suddenly add a "how to maintain relationships over 30 years" course. Your employer won't send you to relationship building boot camp.

This is on you.

The good news? You already know the basics. You know how to be decent to people. You know how to follow up. You know when someone matters to you.

What you need is to actually do it. Consistently. With intention.

The education system failed you on this one. But that doesn't mean you have to fail yourself.

You can learn this. You can get better at it. You just have to decide it matters enough to actually work on.

What's one relationship you're going to reach out to this week?

Until next week, Zvi

P.S. No exam, no grades—just text one person you’ve been “meaning to catch up with.” That’s the whole assignment.

On YouTube: The Forgotten Art of Having Someone's Back

In this video, we’re talking about how to stop treating relationships like a series of transactions and start showing up as someone who’s really in the other person’s corner.

I’ll walk through a few simple, low-pressure ways to support people over the long term—especially those you’re not even sure you can “offer value” to yet.

Here’s what we’ll cover:

• Why most of us overthink “value” and underthink just being there for people

• How to shift from transactional networking to long-term, generative relationships

• 3 practical ways to show “I’m in your corner” (without being pushy or weird)

• Simple examples of supporting busy, successful people when you don’t know how to help

• How these small habits make it more likely people pick up the phone when you call

You can see all my videos and interviews on my channel! If you find these helpful, I’d appreciate a like, subscribe, and share with a friend, colleague, or enemy.

If you found this valuable, you might love Relatable. It’s the CRM built from the ground up to help you grow your network, not your business pipeline (but it does that too).