Why do some people throw parties while others make introductions?

I write weekly about the strategies, habits, and tactics around cultivating the connections that matter to you.

I used to think there was only one way to build a network.

You know the drill: attend events, work the room, collect business cards, and somehow transform into that person who remembers everyone's kids' names and golf handicaps. I'd watch these natural schmoozing machines and think, "I should be doing that."

I was terrible at it.

Here's what I learned after years of trying to fit into someone else's networking playbook: there isn't just one way to be a connector. In fact, according to Marissa King's research in "Social Chemistry," there are three distinct types of connectors, each with their own superpower.

Once you identify your natural style, networking stops feeling like performance art and starts feeling like, well, just being yourself.

The three connector personalities

The Convener is your classic host. They're the people who bring others together, creating tight-knit communities where everyone knows everyone. Conveners build dense, interconnected networks where relationships run deep. Think of the person who organizes the annual friendsgiving where somehow all their different friend groups mesh perfectly.

The Broker operates at the intersection of different worlds. They're the translators who can speak startup in the morning and corporate in the afternoon. Brokers bridge gaps between groups that wouldn't naturally connect. They're the ones who see that the freelance designer should definitely meet the entrepreneur with the new app idea.

The Expansionist is always reaching beyond their current circle. They cast the widest net, comfortable with weak ties and casual connections. Expansionists treat every coffee shop, conference, and random encounter as a potential relationship. They're energized by meeting new people and aren't fazed by superficial connections.

Most people have qualities of all three, but usually one style feels most natural.

How to figure out your type

Take an honest look at your energy patterns:

Do you prefer deeper relationships with fewer people? Do you love bringing your existing network together? You're probably a Convener. Your sweet spot is creating meaningful experiences where your close relationships can intersect and strengthen.

Are you constantly thinking "Person A should really meet Person B" across different industries or social circles? Classic Broker behavior. You see patterns and connections that others miss because you naturally operate between different groups.

Do you find yourself comfortable with a wide range of casual connections? Are you the person who somehow knows someone everywhere you go? That's Expansionist territory. You're energized by the breadth of your network rather than its depth.

Playing to your strengths

If you're a Convener, stop forcing yourself to work rooms at conferences. Instead, focus on bringing your existing network together. Host dinners where you mix different groups of friends or colleagues. Organize regular meetups. Your power isn't in constantly meeting new people; it's in deepening and connecting the relationships you already have.

If you're a Broker, embrace your role as a bridge-builder. Keep track of who's looking for what across your different networks, and don't hesitate to make introductions. Your network grows not because you're constantly meeting new people, but because you become invaluable to the people you already know. You're the person others come to when they need something outside their usual circle.

If you're an Expansionist, lean into your comfort with breadth. Attend diverse events. Join communities outside your usual sphere. Have conversations with people who don't look like you or work in your industry. Your strength is in maintaining those looser connections that can lead to unexpected opportunities.

The permission to be yourself

If you have subscribed to my Tuesday screeds for more than a few weeks, you've inevitably heard me reference my passion for hosting dinners and other events. That is where I feel most natural around others. Yes, I can make introductions, but to be honest, it's not my superpower. You can toss me into a room where I know nothing and nobody, and I can keep my head above water, but I won’t love it. Reading Marissa's book made it clear to me that, above all else, I am a convener - and gave me the permission to do more of it, while deprioritizing other things.

You don't need to master all three styles. You just need to get really good at the one that fits your personality.

Taking action

This week, try this: identify one activity that aligns with your natural connector style and commit to it.

Conveners: Plan something small that brings together people from different parts of your network. Even a simple coffee meetup with three people from different contexts counts.

Brokers: Make one introduction between two people from different circles who should know each other. Send that double opt-in email you've been thinking about.

Expansionists: Reach out to someone outside your usual circle or join a new community. Strike up a conversation with someone at that networking event you've been avoiding.

The goal isn't to transform into someone else. It's to become a better version of who you already are.

Your network doesn't need another carbon copy of that person who works every room. It needs you, showing up as yourself, using your natural strengths to build the relationships that matter.

Start there. Everything else is just tactics.

Until next week, Zvi

On YouTube: The Vulnerability Hack: Using Genuine Concern to Build Unbreakable Relationships

Think being “professional” means hiding your real self? In this video, we unpack why actually caring is your secret weapon for building trust and how to do it without sounding like a motivational poster.

Key Topics Discussed:

• Why pretending to have it all together is ruining your connections

• The brain science behind why vulnerability builds trust

• 5 practical ways to show you care without making it weird

• How to ask better questions that lead to real conversations

• The surprising power of a message with zero agenda

You can see all my videos and interviews on my channel! If you find these helpful, I’d appreciate a like, subscribe, and share with a friend, colleague, or enemy.

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