The secret to instant trust

I write weekly about the strategies, habits, and tactics around cultivating the connections that matter to you.

Picture two coffee meetings. Same day, same café, same "How's it going?" opening.

Meeting one: "Great! Everything's fantastic. Really crushing it this quarter."

Meeting two: "Honestly? My kid kept me up until 2am with nightmares, so I'm running on fumes and excessive coffee, but somehow I'm still excited about what we're discussing. How about you?"

Which person would you rather spend the next hour with? Which one would you actually trust with something important?

The answer is obvious. Yet most of us default to meeting one every single time.

Here's what most professionals get wrong: we think competence equals perfection. We walk into rooms wearing invisible armor, terrified that showing weakness will damage our credibility. Meanwhile, we're creating the exact opposite of what we want.

Carole Robin, who taught Stanford's legendary interpersonal dynamics course, developed the "15% rule". Share 15% more than feels comfortable. Not your deepest trauma, but just enough authentic vulnerability to crack the professional facade.

Why it works

Your brain is wired to detect threats. When everyone performs the "I've got it all together" dance, our alarm systems stay activated. We can't fully trust or collaborate because we're too busy protecting ourselves.

But when someone shows genuine humanity first, it signals safety. Trust forms faster than logic can explain. Stanford research confirms: people who share controlled vulnerability are perceived as more competent, not less.

The formula in action

Instead of "How was your weekend?" try "My weekend was supposed to be relaxing, but I spent three hours assembling furniture that apparently requires an engineering degree. How did yours go?"

Replace "Everything's on track" with "We're mostly on track, though I'll admit the client feedback caught me off guard."

Your challenge

Pick one upcoming conversation where you can apply the 15% rule. Share something slightly more personal than you normally would. Notice how the other person responds.

Most people won't take this risk. They'll keep their armor up and wonder why relationships feel surface-level. But you're not most people. You're the person willing to go first.

Until next week - Zvi

P.S. Want to practice the 15% rule without the social risk? Hit reply and tell me the weirdest thing that happened to you this week. I’ll trade you mine.

On YouTube: Networking for Your Future Self: The Hidden Psychology of Playing the Long Game

Ever wonder why building relationships feels so hard when you don’t need anything right now?

In this video, I dive into the “Future You Principle” and how to stay motivated to network — even when the payoff feels far away.

What you’ll learn:

• Why your brain resists long-term networking (and how to work around it)

• The three psychological traps that keep most people from building strong networks

• How to create present-moment rewards that keep you consistent

• Practical strategies like tracking, accountability, and reframing

• Why your future self will seriously thank you for what you start doing today

You can see all my videos and interviews on my channel! If you find these helpful, I’d appreciate a like, subscribe, and share with a friend, colleague, or enemy.

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