The person across from you is just a person

I write weekly about the strategies, habits, and tactics around cultivating the connections that matter to you.

I had coffee a few months ago with a Fortune 500 CEO. A mutual connection made the intro, and I went in hoping to get some mentorship over a longer time frame.

We ended up spending way too long trading travel destinations and commiserating about hauling our daughters to dance practice.

Here's what didn't happen: I didn't pitch her. She didn't lecture me about leadership frameworks. Neither of us performed our professional highlight reels. We just talked like two exhausted parents who've both been to way too many dance recitals.

That conversation led to more conversations. Real ones. The kind that actually matter.

But I almost missed it. Because before we met, I was busy constructing my professional persona. Rehearsing the impressive things I'd say. Preparing to prove I deserved to be in the room with someone of her stature.

That's the wall I'm talking about. The one we build between ourselves and anyone we perceive as above us in wealth, power, or status. It blocks us from connecting authentically. And it costs us opportunities we don't even realize we're losing.

The dinner party rule

Every month, I host a dinner at a dive bar. Here's the thing: I never share the names of anyone attending in advance.

Why? Because when you sit down, you're not connecting with the Chief Product Officer of one of the hottest consumer tech companies. You're talking with someone who's caring for an aging parent. Someone who just binged the same ridiculous Netflix show you did. Someone who has ridiculously strong opinions about when Halloween decorations should get taken down.

Strip away the titles, and we're all just people dealing with the same human stuff.

But we forget this. We see someone's LinkedIn headline and immediately start performing. We get formal. We name-drop our credentials. We try to prove we belong in the conversation.

That effort to prove our worth? It's the wall. And it's blocking the very connection we're trying to build.

What the wall costs you

The professional ego wall doesn't just make conversations awkward. It actively prevents opportunities.

When you're busy performing status, you miss genuine connection. When you're focused on proving your credentials, you can't be curious about the other person. When you're worried about looking impressive, you can't be real.

And real is what builds relationships. Not your resume. Not your company name. Not your impressive client list.

People do business with people they know, like, and trust. You can't build any of that from behind a wall.

Taking action

Start noticing when you feel the need to prove yourself. When you're about to drop a credential or reference a big client to establish your legitimacy. When you shift into formal mode because someone seems important.

That impulse is the wall going up.

Instead, try this: Lead with curiosity about the other person. Ask about what they're working on that excites them. Share something real about yourself, even if it's not professionally impressive. Talk about the human stuff.

At my monthly dinners, the best conversations happen when someone forgets to be impressive and just starts being interesting. When the tech executive admits they have no idea how to help their kid with third grade math homework. When the venture capitalist reveals they're secretly training for a hot dog eating competition.

You don't need to prove your worth to anyone. The moment you believe you do, you've already lost the connection.

The CEO I met with? We never talked about her company's market cap or my growth plans. We talked about whether Galapagos or Colombia should be our next family trips. And that conversation opened doors that no amount of credential dropping ever would have.

The person across from you is just a person. Treat them that way. You'll be surprised what happens next.

Until next week, Zvi

P.S. “Impressive” is overrated. “Interesting” gets you invited back.

On YouTube: The 15% Rule for Instant Connection

The best networkers aren’t the most confident people in the room — they’re the most authentic.

And the secret? They’re just 15% more vulnerable than feels comfortable.

In this video, I’m breaking down psychologist Carol Robbins’ 15% Vulnerability Framework — a practical, research-backed way to build deeper trust, faster rapport, and more meaningful professional relationships.

Topics Covered:

• Why surface-level networking doesn’t work anymore

• The psychology behind strategic vulnerability

• The four levels of professional openness (and when to use them)

• How to apply the 15% rule in coffee chats, conferences, and online

• Common mistakes to avoid when sharing personal stories

• How vulnerability creates instant reciprocity and stronger bonds

You can see all my videos and interviews on my channel! If you find these helpful, I’d appreciate a like, subscribe, and share with a friend, colleague, or enemy.

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