The math on rejection doesn't math

I write weekly about the strategies, habits, and tactics around cultivating the connections that matter to you.

I was being interviewed for a book about friendship. We were talking about the skills that matter most, and I blurted something out that stuck with me.

Not being afraid of rejection. Or rather, knowing that the risk of being rejected is far outweighed by the reward of a connection.

A yes to an invite or a request for an introduction is maybe 100 times more impactful than the small hit to my ego if someone says they can't make it or don't feel it's the right introduction. Not to say I'm not thoughtful or targeted. Most people are. But the social risk keeps most people on the sidelines.

What you're really afraid of

Americans fear public speaking more than spiders, snakes, or drowning. Seems weird until you remember we're social creatures. Our brains treat social rejection like a survival threat. Back when getting kicked out of the tribe meant being happy hour to a saber-toothed tiger, this made sense.

Now you're just sending an email.

The fear of reaching out to an old friend, a past client, an ideal prospect, someone you admire? Your mind catastrophizes. Like calling up a past client will trigger some downward spiral that leaves you alone and homeless.

Give yourself a minute to actually sit with that fear. What's the worst that can happen?

Would a past client really be angry you checked in? If a prospect declines your offer, is it that bad to have a clear signal and focus on everyone else? Most of the time, the absolute worst case is silence. Or a polite no. Neither one will kill you.

Here's the thing nobody tells you

Everyone has the same psychological barriers you do. Everyone feels that same knot in their stomach before hitting send. The fear that makes you second-guess yourself before pressing send or delete that draft entirely.

Most people won't take action.

Which means if you're among the few who can overcome that blocker and actually hit send, you're already way ahead. Their fear is your competitive advantage.

What to do about it

Think about any outreach or message you want to send but have veered away from. Either right before pressing send or even earlier, when you talked yourself out of it entirely.

That invite you want to send. That introduction you want to ask for. That message to someone you haven't talked to in months. The one sitting in your drafts folder. The one you composed in your head but never typed out.

Ask yourself: will the benefit of a "yes" make the risk of a "no" worthwhile?

I'll bet you... yes.

Most people won't. But you will.

Until next week, Zvi

P.S. If you’re waiting to feel “confident” before you hit send, I have bad news: confidence is often delivered after the send.

On YouTube: Relatable: the simplest way to stay in touch (without being weird about it)

Falling out of touch happens fast. Relatable is how you stop it.

Relatable isn’t built for your sales pipeline — it’s built for your relationships. The people you genuinely want to nurture for months (or years), without relying on memory, guilt, or a “I swear I’ll text them back” note you’ll never open again.

You can see all my videos and interviews on my channel! If you find these helpful, I’d appreciate a like, subscribe, and share with a friend, colleague, or enemy.

If you found this valuable, you might love Relatable. It’s the CRM built from the ground up to help you grow your network, not your business pipeline (but it does that too).