Stop making people feel like they owe you something

I write weekly about the strategies, habits, and tactics around cultivating the connections that matter to you.

📗 Hey! Before we get into this week’s post, I have a book recommendation for you. Consistent actions over a long period of time is critical to nurturing relationships, so I naturally absorb anything related to habits. I was fortunate to get an early copy of Unhinged Habits by author and friend Jonathan Goodman - and wow, it gave me some incredibly fresh perspectives. I’m confident one of his seven rules will be eye-opening to you, if nothing else!

I recently asked a friend to make an introduction for me. Two weeks later, nothing. Three weeks. A month. I started getting annoyed. Why hadn't he followed through?

Then I went back and read my original message. It basically said: "Hey, can you introduce me to Sarah? I'd love to pick her brain about X."

No wonder he ghosted me. I had just handed him homework.

Here's the thing. When you reach out to someone with an ask, you're putting weight on their shoulders. Whether it's a response, an introduction, or a favor, they now feel obligated. And obligation is the enemy of enthusiasm.

People don't want to respond to you. They want to be excited to engage with you. There's a massive difference.

Think about your own inbox. When you see a message that clearly expects something back, there's a little part of your brain that groans. Another task. Another thing to deal with. Even if you like the person, the obligation creates friction.

So what's the fix? Let them off the hook.

The NNTR Technique

One of my favorite tactics is adding "No need to respond" or "NNTR" to my messages - even a text. It sounds counterintuitive. Why would you tell someone they don't need to reply?

Because removing the pressure often increases the response rate. You're giving them a gift. You're saying: I thought of you, and that's enough. No homework attached.

Try this next time you're just checking in with someone: "Hey, just thought of you this morning. Hope all is well. No need to respond."

That's it. No pressure, no expectations. And paradoxically, many people will respond anyway because they appreciated the gesture without the weight.

When You Actually Need Something

What about when you do have an ask? Give them an out.

Instead of: "Can you introduce me to Sarah?"

Try: "If it's not a weird ask, would you be open to introducing me to Sarah? Totally fine if the timing isn't right or it doesn't make sense."

You're acknowledging their autonomy. You're making it easy for them to say no without feeling guilty. And when someone can say no freely, their yes means something.

The Follow-Up Release

If someone commits to doing something for you and doesn't follow through, resist the urge to guilt them. Instead:

"Hey, just wanted to let you know no pressure on that intro we talked about. If it's not the right time, totally get it."

You've now freed them from the mental burden. And funny enough, this often prompts them to actually do the thing. They're no longer avoiding you because they feel bad.

The Takeaway

Stop creating obligation. Start creating space. The people in your network aren't your employees. They're humans with overflowing inboxes and packed calendars.

When you let people off the hook, you're not being passive. You're being strategic. You're making it easy to engage with you.

And that's what gets people coming back.

Until next week, Zvi

On YouTube: The unexpected tool that became the backbone of my networking

Most of my closest relationships today are held together by something surprisingly simple: small group texts. In this video, I share why creating and participating in the right group chats has become one of the easiest ways I stay connected without forcing it.

Topic covered in this video

• Why small, text-based groups feel more natural than big online communities

• When it makes sense to create a group text instead of keeping things one-on-one

• Real examples, from friends and clients to conferences and shared interests

• How group chats help relationships stay alive even when no one posts for a while

• Choosing the right platform and letting go of the fear of “what if no one joins”

You can see all my videos and interviews on my channel! If you find these helpful, I’d appreciate a like, subscribe, and share with a friend, colleague, or enemy.

If you found this valuable, you might love Relatable. It’s the CRM built from the ground up to help you grow your network, not your business pipeline (but it does that too).