Meet with intention: Why your next coffee date needs an agenda

I write weekly about the strategies, habits, and tactics around cultivating the connections that matter to you.

Remember the last coffee meeting you had? The one where you both said "we should catch up!" and then spent the first 10 minutes talking about traffic, the next 10 on weather, and suddenly realized you had to leave without discussing anything meaningful?

Yeah, me too.

A few years back, someone posted a photo of their parental "bar agenda" that went viral. People were split between "that's genius" and "that's psychotic."

They were onto something.

Within our companies, we'd never dream of having a meeting without some sense of purpose. We have agendas, talking points, and clear outcomes. Yet somehow when we step outside those office walls, we abandon all structure and hope for the best.

How's that working for us?

Narrator voice: It's not.

We're living through an epidemic of surface-level connections. We've mastered the art of being in the same room without actually connecting about anything that matters.

Try this instead

The next time you set up a coffee meeting, try this simple opener after the initial pleasantries:

"What I'd love to talk about today is..."

That's it. Just name what's on your mind or what you're curious about.

Maybe it's:

• "What I'd love to talk about today is how you're thinking about AI in your business"

• "What I'd love to talk about today is that book you mentioned last time"

• "What I'd love to talk about today is how you're handling this weird economic moment"

It's not about having a rigid corporate agenda with bullet points and action items. It's about giving the conversation a direction - a gentle nudge toward something meaningful.

What about social gatherings?

This works beyond one-on-ones too.

I host what’s referred to as Jeffersonian dinners (named after Thomas Jefferson, who was apparently not just a problematic historical figure but also a dinner party innovator). The concept is simple: one table, one conversation, one topic.

Instead of splintering into five different conversations about nothing, everyone engages on a single theme. It could be as simple as "what's been surprising you lately?" or as specific as "how has your relationship with money evolved?"

The magic happens when everyone knows the rules. People prepare mentally, they show up differently, and they leave having actually connected.

Beneath the surface

Your friends are craving these conversations too.

We're all walking around with big questions and thoughts, but we've collectively decided that the only safe topics are Netflix shows and sports teams.

People are thirsting for social rules and structure. They want permission to go deeper, to be guided on how to show up, to move beyond "what's OK to talk about" into "what's meaningful to talk about."

So be the person who creates that space. Bring the agenda - not because you're weird, but because you value the time enough to make it count.

And if someone calls you psychotic? Well, at least you'll have something interesting to talk about at your next dinner party.

Until next week - Zvi

P.S. If you're nervous about suggesting a topic, blame this newsletter. “I read something weird that said we should have an agenda…”

On YouTube: These Three Relationship Habits Changed My Entire Career

Want to build a network that actually means something — not just a bunch of LinkedIn connections? In this video, I’m breaking down the 3 best reasons to invest in your relationships, and 3 simple ways to start today.

What we cover:

• Why building a network is one of the best long-term life investments

• How to avoid transactional, surface-level connections

• The 3 big benefits of having a strong network: opportunity, support, and great people

• Simple, no-pressure steps to reconnect with people you already know

• How to build your circle with intention (not just hope something "magical" happens)

You can see all my videos and interviews on my channel! If you find these helpful, I’d appreciate a like, subscribe, and share with a friend, colleague, or enemy.

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