Just ask for help already!

I write weekly about the strategies, habits, and tactics around cultivating the connections that matter to you.

I was on a coaching call last week when something clicked. My client was sharing how she loved making introductions, sending resources, and generally being helpful to others in her network. But when I asked her about the last time she reached out for help herself, she froze.

Sound familiar?

Many of us pride ourselves on being givers - always ready to jump in with advice, connections, or support. Yet when we need help ourselves, we suddenly transform into that stubborn toddler insisting "I can do it myself!"

Here's what we're missing: People genuinely want to help. It's not just being nice - there's science behind it. Humans are wired to contribute to others. When someone helps us, it triggers reward centers in their brain similar to receiving money or eating good food. By not asking for help, we're actually denying others this natural feel-good opportunity.

But there's a trick to this. Ever been hit with the dreaded "How can I help you?" and drawn a complete blank? It happens to the best of us. The solution is simple: Always have a few clear asks ready to go.

These don't need to be major requests. Maybe you're:

• Looking to connect with someone in a specific industry

• Seeking feedback on a new project

• Wanting to learn about a particular topic

• Exploring new career opportunities

The key is being specific. Instead of "I'm looking for leads," try "I'm looking to connect with heads of HR at medium-sized tech companies in Boston." The more specific your request, the easier it is for someone to help.

Think about it this way: If someone you respect asked you for help with something specific and achievable, would you be annoyed? Probably not. You'd likely feel honored they trusted you enough to ask.

So why do we assume others would feel differently?

Next time you're hesitating to ask for help, remember: You're not being needy - you're giving someone else the opportunity to feel good about contributing. And isn't that what building relationships is all about?

Until next week, Zvi

P.S. Speaking of asking for help - what topics would you like to see covered in future newsletters? Hit reply and let me know!

On YouTube: Want a Better Network? Bet on Rising Stars

Most people get networking completely backward. In this video, I’m sharing why you should stop obsessing over industry icons and instead, focus your energy on connecting with rising stars.

After more than a decade building relationship tools like Contactually and Relatable and coaching thousands on building authentic networks I’ve seen this mistake over and over. The truth is, the people who can change your career aren’t the ones with 50k followers and overflowing inboxes. They’re the talented, driven folks who are climbing fast... just not famous yet.

Here’s what we’ll cover:

• Why networking with “famous” people rarely pays off (and what to do instead)

• How to spot rising stars in your industry

• Specific ways to add value to their work right now

• A simple system to build meaningful, long-term connections without feeling transactional

You can see all my videos and interviews on my channel! If you find these helpful, I’d appreciate a like, subscribe, and share with a friend, colleague, or enemy.

If you found this valuable, you might love Relatable. It’s the CRM built from the ground up to help you grow your network, not your business pipeline (but it does that too).