Intentionality in relationships

I write weekly about the strategies, habits, and tactics around cultivating the connections that matter to you.

Happy Tuesday!

“It feels icky, like I’m using people.”

As happened earlier this year, there’s always someone who comes up dismissive of the fundamental strategies I and others have been evangelizing for years.

Let's tackle a common hurdle in relationship building: the "ick" factor. You know, that uneasy feeling that creeps in when you think about systematizing your personal connections. "Is this inauthentic?" "Am I being manipulative?" I've heard it all, and I get it. But let's dive deeper.

The Paleolithic Dilemma

Our brains, barely catching up to the digital age, were designed for a time when our social circles were limited to the few dozen people we might encounter in our lifetime. Fast forward to today, and we're bombarded with more connections and information than our ancestors could have ever imagined. It's no wonder that without a little help, we struggle to keep up.

Intentionality vs. Inauthenticity

Here's the crux: being intentional about your relationships doesn't mean you're inauthentic. Think of it as a tool to manage the overload, not a scheme to manipulate. Using a database or reminders to reach out isn't about extracting value from people; it's about ensuring you don't lose touch with those you genuinely care about.

I hopped on the phone with a new client last Thursday who, despite having historically built a thriving business purely based on her relationships, was seeing her workload lighten a bit more than she’d like. As we drilled into it, the answer exposed itself: Her kids were older now, and she was no longer sitting in PTA meetings or the sideline of a soccer game with everyone else in her community. All it was going to take was a little more intentionality to get back in front of them.

The Sociopath Misconception

Deciding who to stay in touch with doesn't make you a sociopath. It makes you human. We all have limited time and energy, and it's natural to prioritize. The key is to do it with empathy and genuine interest.

Your Action Plan

Start by identifying the people you truly value but haven't connected with recently. Set reminders, make notes, do whatever it takes to keep those connections alive. Remember, it's not about what you can get from these relationships; it's about showing that you care.

Remember, being intentional doesn't mean you're using people. It means you're making a conscious effort to maintain the relationships that matter most to you.

-Zvi