How to actually remember people's names (according to science)

I write weekly about the strategies, habits, and tactics around cultivating the connections that matter to you.

I was at a coffee last week, met someone genuinely interesting, and within 30 seconds their name had completely evaporated from my brain. We had a great conversation about their work, kids, etc, but I spent the whole time doing mental gymnastics to avoid saying their name out loud. Even worse - I know I had met them before.

Sound familiar?

Here's the thing about names. They're notoriously harder to remember than other types of information because they're basically meaningless labels that tell us nothing useful about the person. If I introduce myself as Zvi and say I’m a CRM founder, you'll remember what I do way before you remember my name. That's just how our brains work.

We actually know we're bad at this. Unlike most skills where we think we're above average, people rate their ability to remember names as roughly the same as everyone else. It's one of the few areas where we're collectively honest about sucking at something.

But there are ways to get better. Here are three tactics backed by actual research, plus the one I actually use in real life.

Tactic one: shut up and listen (seriously)

This one surprised me. Recent research shows that immediately repeating someone's name back to them actually interferes with your brain's ability to encode it into memory. Your brain is busy talking instead of remembering.

The fix is counterintuitive. When someone tells you their name, just look at them with a smile and let four seconds pass before you say anything. Four seconds feels like forever in conversation, but it's well within normal pause time. Your brain needs that quiet moment to actually process and store the information.

I know what you're thinking. Four seconds of silence? That's awkward. But here's the thing—it's not. It's thoughtful. It's present. Try it at your next networking event and see what happens.

Tactic two: use it later, not immediately

If you do want to use someone's name, wait a while and then use it in a different context rather than immediately repeating it back. Let that initial encoding happen first.

This taps into something called the spacing effect, where information is better remembered when practice is distributed over time rather than massed together. Think of it like watering a plant. One big dump of water isn't as effective as consistent watering over time.

So instead of "Nice to meet you, Jennifer" right away, wait a bit. Then later in the conversation: "Jennifer, what you said about supply chain issues was fascinating." Your brain gets multiple opportunities to retrieve and reinforce the memory.

Tactic three: build associations

Hook the new name to phrases, words, or ideas you already know. The classic example is picturing a blacksmith when you meet someone named Smith. There’s research that shows we actually more likely to remember someone’s a baker than their last name Baker.

Better yet, associate their name with their professional attributes or personal interests. If you meet Sarah who runs a bakery, connect "Sarah" with "sourdough starter" in your mind. If you meet Marcus who's obsessed with marathon running, link those M's together.

The weirder the association, the better it tends to stick. Our brains love novelty and strange connections.

Tactic four: just be honest (my go-to)

Here's what I actually do most of the time: I'm completely upfront about being terrible at names.

"Hey, I'm genuinely awful at remembering names. Do you mind reminding me?"

You know what happens? People appreciate the honesty. Nobody has ever said they're offended that you're not good at names. They usually laugh, admit they're bad at it too, and we move on with zero weirdness.

Being honest about your limitations is way better than the alternative—that awkward dance where you're clearly avoiding saying someone's name because you forgot it. People can tell. They always can.

The real point

Look, names matter because people matter. Remembering someone's name isn't just a party trick. It's about making genuine connections. When you remember someone's name, you're telling them they're worth remembering.

But perfection isn't the goal. Connection is.

So pick one of these tactics and try it this week. Or just be honest like me. Either way, you'll be better off than pretending you remember when you clearly don't.

Because at the end of the day, forgetting names comes with real social consequences, and we're all navigating this together.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go look up the name of that guy I met last week.

Until next week, Zvi

P.S. If we ever meet and I forget your name, please assume I’m silently counting to four.

On YouTube: Why Your LinkedIn Likes Don't Matter- Do This Instead

In this video, I’ll show you a simple 2-minute technique called the Social Media Signal Review — a method that transforms your scrolling habit into a powerful relationship-building tool.

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You’ll learn how to:

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