How do you know someone went on a silent retreat?

I write weekly about the strategies, habits, and tactics around cultivating the connections that matter to you.

How do you know someone went on a silent retreat? Don't worry, they won't stay silent about it.

At the end of June, I went on a six-day retreat to deepen my inner connection. As an introvert turned extrovert, the idea of not talking felt like wearing shoes on the wrong feet and walking backwards. But among all the other benefits and personal realizations, something unexpected happened.

I found I had built deeper connections with people I never spoke to than I have in hours-long conversations.

There was the woman who always grabbed the corner seat. The man who walked slower than everyone else. The person who teared up during meditation. Without words, I started understanding their inner worlds.

On day four, I watched a guy struggle with something heavy. Hunched shoulders. Picking at his food. Starting to smile, then catching himself. I had no idea what was happening in his life, but I knew he was hurting.

I caught his eye across the hall and just nodded. His face softened. That tiny moment meant everything.

The language nobody teaches you

We obsess over crafting perfect emails but ignore the communication happening right in front of us. Body language. Facial expressions. How someone holds their coffee.

Most people are terrible at expressing what they need. They'll say "I'm fine" when they're clearly not. But their body tells the truth.

The coffee shop test

Here's something uncomfortable but revealing: Pick a table at a coffee shop. Choose someone across the room. Watch for a few minutes. Not in a I-want-to-wear-their-skin-as-a-hat way, but just curious. What's their emotional state? What might they be going through?

You'll be wrong sometimes. The point is training your brain to notice the signals people constantly send.

What this actually means

In your next important conversation, spend half your energy listening to words and half watching body language. Notice when they light up, shut down, or seem uncomfortable.

Six days without talking taught me that the most important communication happens in the spaces between words. The pause before someone answers. The way they shift. The breath they take before something difficult.

People are always communicating, even when they're not talking. You just have to listen with your eyes, not just your ears.

Much love,

-Zvi

P.S. You ever made intense eye contact with someone while chewing silently? 10/10 intimacy, would recommend.

On YouTube: Why Coffee Meetings Are Killing Your Network (And What To Do Instead)

Tired of awkward coffee chats that go nowhere? In this video, I share why the classic coffee meeting might be killing your networking game—and what to do instead to actually build real connection.

Topics We Cover:

• Why coffee meetings often lead to surface-level conversations

• The psychology behind better bonding (hint: it’s about shared experiences)

• Simple, creative alternatives to boring sit-downs

• How one dog walk led to a five-figure deal

You can see all my videos and interviews on my channel! If you find these helpful, I’d appreciate a like, subscribe, and share with a friend, colleague, or enemy.

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