Friends first

I write weekly about the strategies, habits, and tactics around cultivating the connections that matter to you.

If you’ve ever found yourself nervously scanning the crowded room, wondering why you’re ignoring your parents advice not to talk to strangers - this is for you.

A number of my recent speaking engagements have been keynotes for various events centered around networking. They end up being great practice, as people are often too socially anxious to pay full attention.

In the early part of my career, I dragged myself to a boatload of these - sometimes 2 or 3 a week. It was “the way” I could meet other like-minded professionals, I was told. Social media was still in its infancy - in fact, some of these coffee meetups were Tweetups - gatherings of local Twitter early adopters.

I reflect back on those early experiences, and try and give the audience the guidance I wish I had back in 2007. There’s a plethora of tools and tactics I wish I had, but, standing between them and the ensuing chaos, it’s simple:

Make a friend.

It’s very easy to trade elevator pitches, regurgitate what one could easily figure out on LinkedIn, and fill the remaining 8 minutes with awkward small talk. It’s also very easy to walk out remembering “I met a designer tonight” - and that’s it.

But the social creatures inside all of us yearn for a real connection with another human, not a resume. That referral or gig you were seeking is not going to come because they need something which you can provide.

It’s because you each other. Trust each other. And yes, maybe even like each other a little bit! Yes, it can be done in a few minutes.

So how can you do that?

Taking Action

The next time you find yourself with a brand new friend:

• Start strong and set the tone. Don’t settle for the usual “heyhowzitgoin” opener - ask “Hey! So what was the highlight of your week so far?” (trust me on this)

• Get them to share a story. When the usual conversation about jobs and work pops up, ask them to share more - “So what made you decide to become a vegan cheese YouTube star?”

• Learn who they are as a person. Everyone has recently binge-watched a show or obsessed with a book or podcast.

• And most importantly, pay attention to your energy. How you show up will make more of an impact than the words that spill out of your mouth. And how you feel when meeting them tells you a lot about whether you just met a lifelong collaborator, or just another fish in the pond.

Watch This

If you’re wondering what you can do with all your free time now that school is back in session, the Charisma on Command series is absolutely incredible - more “how is this all free?” internet magic. You’ll likely pick up a tip or two for that next time you’re about to hurl yourself into a networking event!

Take care!

-Zvi

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I’ve spent the past 12 years helping people like you grow their businesses and careers by cultivating the relationships that matter. I took everything I’ve learned and practiced and put it in a professionally produced online course.

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