Do you even know what you need?

I write weekly about the strategies, habits, and tactics around cultivating the connections that matter to you.

I flopped. Completely.

Someone I respect asked me how they could help with a new project I'm working on. I had been so focused on gauging their initial impression that when they volunteered to assist, my brain went blank. I mumbled something vague about "getting the word out" and moved on.

Sound familiar?

A friend of mine is building an entire social platform around this problem. His premise is simple: we have so many great connections, but we have little idea what people actually need. And even when we do know, we forget to capture what others need and helping or routing it to the right person.

The dreaded question

"How can I help you?" should be the best thing anyone could ask. Instead, it often triggers panic. We freeze. We downplay. We say "oh, nothing right now, but thanks!" I normally counsel people against asking it, because we’re so bad at responding to it.

Here's the thing. When you don't have a clear answer ready, you're leaving value on the table. That person genuinely wants to help. And you just wasted both of your time.

The fix is simple. Know your ask before you need it.

Write down what would actually be helpful to you right now. Make it specific. "I'm looking for introductions to HR leaders at mid-size tech companies" beats "I need more clients." Put it in your notes. Memorize it. Make it part of your signature or your LinkedIn bio.

Flip it around

But here's where it gets interesting. Track what other people need too.

When I'm meeting with someone, I try to capture what their "ask" is. Even if they don't frame it that way. Maybe they're dealing with a family challenge and could use support. Maybe they mentioned needing a vendor. Maybe they just need someone to check in on them.

Most people don't announce their needs. They hint at them. "Things have been crazy with my mom's health stuff lately." That's an ask hiding in plain sight.

Make it work for you

Before you go copying my system, think about what actually fits your style.

Are you someone who takes notes during or after conversations? Great. Add a field for "their ask" and make it a habit.

Do you prefer voice memos? Record a quick note after each meeting.

Hate tracking anything? At minimum, just pay attention. The act of noticing what someone needs will make you more valuable to them.

Do this today

Write down your own ask in one sentence. Something specific and achievable. Then, the next time someone asks how they can help, you'll actually have an answer.

And the next conversation you have, listen for what they need. Even if they don't say it directly. Jot it down somewhere you'll actually look at it again.

Your network is full of people who want to help each other. Most of us are just too scattered to make it happen.

Until next week, Zvi

BTW - you know what would be helpful? Sharing this with a few friends, colleagues, or enemies - and helping me get the word out!

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If you found this valuable, you might love Relatable. It’s the CRM built from the ground up to help you grow your network, not your business pipeline (but it does that too).