Be the benevolent dictator of your Zoom

Welcome to all of you who have joined in the past few weeks. I write weekly on insights and tactics around building an incredible network of clients, collaborators, and community.

When we tell future generations about the early days of covid, likely many stories will come up - the fear and uncertainty. Not seeing family and friends for long stretches. Making way too much sourdough.

And “Zoom happy hours.”

Our well-intentioned attempt at maintaining social cohesion often yielded awkwardness that rivaled IRL happy hours - the ones where Rob from accounting would have a few too many.

There’s a clue as to what happened here, and why so many of our gatherings feel lacking.

As we find ourselves belonging to fewer and fewer common institutions (e.g. church, mosque, or synagogue), we lose with it the social norms. Some of you might think - “great!” - but they also provided helpful context for us - what is and is not expected to talk about, values, how to show up, etc. So when we’re sitting at dinner, what are we left to talk about? What’s OK for me to bring up in this group?

There’s a solution, and Priya Parker in The Art of Gathering nailed it. She called them “pop-up rules” - in essence - fill the vacuum of social norms, even if just for an hour or two.

Taking Action

Once I read this, I put it into action and it’s worked for me ever since.

Small leap: The next time you jump on a video call or sit down for coffee, start off by asking a question from your question bank. That, in itself, establishes the expectation of what you can talk about.

Big leap: The next dinner or activity you host, let everyone know (in advance, potentially) what the expectations are. As host, you’re not just getting everyone in the room, you influence how they show up. How you’re splitting the bill. What topics you expect to discuss or questions to ask. What is off the table (yes, politics is almost always #1 these days, right?)?

You will be appreciated for it, trust me.

Watch This

As I continue feeling my way into video, I posted a video about one of my favorite tactics that is so simple, you have no excuse not to do it right now.

Further Reading

If this piques your interest, I can’t recommend reading the source book enough.