Stop being the giving tree

I write weekly about the strategies, habits, and tactics around cultivating the connections that matter to you.

If you haven't picked up “The Giving Tree” since childhood, do yourself a favor and read it again. But this time, read it as an adult.

It's devastating.

A tree gives everything to a boy she loves. Her apples. Her branches. Her trunk. And the boy just keeps taking. He never once asks what the tree needs. And the tree never tells him. She just keeps giving until she's a stump. The last line of the book says "and the tree was happy."

Here's why this matters to you and me: A lot of us are that tree.

We show up to coffee meetings, networking calls, and community events laser-focused on one thing: how can I help you? We ask great questions. We make introductions. We send articles. We offer our time, our expertise, our connections. And it feels good. It should feel good. Giving is one of the most powerful ways to build trust.

But then the conversation wraps. And we never once mentioned what we need.

I catch myself doing this more than I'd like to admit. When my confidence dips for any reason, I default to making the whole conversation about the other person. How's your business going? What can I do for you? Who can I connect you with? I'll only share what I'm working on or what I could use help with if someone explicitly pushes me to. And most people won't push.

That's a problem. Because here's the thing about relationships: they need to be two-way streets to survive. When you only give, you're not being generous. You're being incomplete. You're robbing the other person of the chance to contribute. And as I've written before, people want to help. It lights up the same reward centers in their brain as eating good food. By not asking, you're actually taking something away from them.

I'm part of a community where the facilitators figured this out. Their rule is simple: you can't participate unless you're willing to both help others AND make it clear how others can help you. You don't get to just be the generous one. You have to be vulnerable enough to say "here's what I need."

That's the part most of us skip.

So here's what I want you to do. Before your next networking conversation, have two or three specific asks ready. Not vague stuff like "I'm looking for new clients." Real, concrete asks. "I'm trying to meet CTOs at mid-market SaaS companies." "I need a recommendation for a fractional CFO." "I'm looking for feedback on my new onboarding process."

Be the person who gives generously. Absolutely. But don't be the stump.

Until next week, Zvi

P.S. The ask doesn't have to be big. "Do you know anyone who..." is enough to start.

On YouTube: Your CRM Is Lying to You — Here's How to Fix It!

Most professionals think organizing their network into neat categories is the smart move. It's not.

What We Discovered in This Video:

• Why organizing your network into categories like "past clients" and "vendors" is actually sabotaging your relationship-building efforts

• The Grocery Store Test — a simple thought experiment that reveals your true feelings about every person in your network (and why that matters more than any CRM logic)

• The 3 biggest mistakes professionals make when managing their connections and how to stop falling into these traps

• How to sort your network into A, B, and C lists based on emotional affinity — not just business value

• Why one consultant cut her active network from 150 people down to just 35 and actually increased her referral business as a result

• How to create different engagement strategies for each tier (hint: your A's get dinner invites, your B's get check-ins, and your C's... get the newsletter 😄)

• A 10-minute action step you can do today to completely reprioritize how you invest your networking energy

You can see all my videos and interviews on my channel! If you find these helpful, I’d appreciate a like, subscribe, and share with a friend, colleague, or enemy.

If you found this valuable, you might love Relatable. It’s the CRM built from the ground up to help you grow your network, not your business pipeline (but it does that too).