Stop asking "so what do you do"

I write weekly about the strategies, habits, and tactics around cultivating the connections that matter to you.

You walk up to someone at an event. Before you've even caught their name, it's already coming: "So, what do you do?"

They answer. You nod. You say it back. They answer. You both look for an exit.

Why? Because two LinkedIn profiles just said hi to each other out loud. That's not a conversation.

The question isn't rude - it's just boring. It immediately sorts people into "useful" or "not useful," and most people can feel that even when they can't name it. Worse, a lot of people have jobs that are hard to explain, or they're in transition, or what they do for money isn't what defines them. You've just asked them to compress their identity into a title.

Here's what actually works.

"What's the most exciting thing going on for you right now?" It's open. They can take it anywhere: work, a side project, something they just read. You learn something real, and fast.

Lead with yourself. Instead of interrogating them, just share something. "I just got back from X and I'm still processing it." You've given them three on-ramps. They pick whichever one interests them. No pressure.

Use context if you have it. "I heard you mention X earlier" or "someone told me you've been working on Y" moves the conversation past formalities immediately. It also signals that you were actually paying attention, which is increasingly rare.

The conversations you remember from networking events almost never started with a title exchange. They started because someone asked something unexpected and actually listened to the answer.

That's the whole playbook.

Until next week, Zvi

P.S. Try this at your next event: go the whole night without asking anyone what they do. It's harder than it sounds. It's also way more fun.

On YouTube: The One Question I Use to Start Every Relationship-Building Conversation

In this video, I share the simple question I’ve been asking that instantly makes calls and coffee chats feel more real. Skip the scripted “Hey, how are you?” and start your conversations in a way people actually remember.

We’ll talk about:

• Why default small talk keeps your relationships stuck on the surface

• The exact question I use instead of “How’s it going?”

• How this opener leads to deeper personal or professional conversations

• What to do when someone’s “highlight” is actually something heavy

• How to find your own go-to question that flips the script in the first 10 seconds

You can see all my videos and interviews on my channel! If you find these helpful, I’d appreciate a like, subscribe, and share with a friend, colleague, or enemy.

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