Nobody knows what to talk about anymore

I write weekly about the strategies, habits, and tactics around cultivating the connections that matter to you.

Remember the Zoom happy hours of 2020? Of course you do. You logged on, someone said "so... how's everyone doing?" and then twelve faces stared at each other in silence until someone mercifully talked about sourdough or their kids.

We blamed Zoom. But Zoom wasn't the main problem.

The problem is that we've lost the instruction manual for how to talk to each other.

Think about it. We used to belong to common institutions. Church, synagogue, mosque, bowling league, whatever. These weren't just places we showed up to. They came with built-in social norms. You knew what was OK to talk about. You knew the values in the room. You had shared context.

Now? We come from wildly different cultural backgrounds, belief systems, and life experiences. Which is amazing and enriching and all those things. But it also means that when six people sit down at a dinner table, nobody has any idea what's fair game.

So we default to the safest possible conversation. The weather. "Busy season at work." Whether anyone's tried that new Thai place. Season 26 of Bridgerton. We hover on the surface because the surface feels safe.

Here's the thing, though. Most people are dying for someone to go deeper. They just don't want to be the weirdo who risks it and goes out of their comfort zone.

Priya Parker nailed this in The Art of Gathering. She talks about "pop-up rules," which is basically filling the vacuum of social norms, even if just for an hour or two. When there's no shared framework for what's OK to discuss, someone has to create one. And that someone gets to be you.

I've been doing this for years now and it works every single time.

Taking action

Start small. The next time you're on a video call or sitting down for a coffee, skip "how are you" and lead with a real question. Something from your back pocket. "What's the most fun thing you've done in the last month?" or "What are you most looking forward to this year?" That one question establishes the tone for the entire conversation. It says: we're allowed to talk about real stuff here.

Go bigger. The next dinner or event you host, set expectations up front. Tell people what you're going to discuss. Tell them what's off the table (yes, politics is almost always number one these days). Tell them how you're splitting the bill. As the host, you're not just getting people in the room. You're influencing how they show up.

Will this feel a little awkward the first time? Probably. Like being the person who orders first at a restaurant nobody's been to. But here's what I've learned after doing this dozens of times: people are relieved. They wanted permission to have a real conversation. You just gave it to them.

Stop waiting for someone else to set the norms. Be the benevolent dictator of your next gathering or Zoom.

You'll be appreciated for it. Trust me.

Until next week, Zvi

P.S. If you try this and someone still brings up the weather, you have my full permission to ask them what the weather means to them emotionally.

On YouTube: I Stopped Feeling Invisible at Conferences When I Fixed This One Thing

Most networking advice skips the one relationship that actually determines your success: the one you have with yourself. In this video, I share how self-acceptance changed everything for me — and how it can completely transform the way you show up in every room.

We talk about:

• Why self-acceptance is the real foundation of strong professional relationships

• How imposter syndrome quietly sabotages opportunities

• The “vanilla professional” trap and why authenticity creates deeper connections

• 5 practical tactics to build confidence before your next event or meeting

• A simple mindset shift that turns networking from draining to energizing

You can see all my videos and interviews on my channel! If you find these helpful, I’d appreciate a like, subscribe, and share with a friend, colleague, or enemy.

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